Uneasy

It’s 9:05 PM and I have just finished up some last minute things around the house. Typically, I’m off to bed at this point but tonight is different…

I received a phone call today from the director of foster care at my agency. Weird that she was calling but eh ok. She asked simple inquiry questions about my first placement. I was by no means in trouble or had done anything wrong. She was just asking some simple questions about some appointments the kids had while in my care. Needed some details to fill in some missing pieces about the case. No big deal. Right? Then she mentioned the state was wanting to know a few more details about the case. I replied with an “Oh, ok. No Problem.” All it took was one complex sentence out of my mouth about something the doctor had stated about two of the children and their on going need of medical care and she was satisfied with my answers. I was so busy and consumed with trying to leave work that it didn’t dawn on me what she had said until this afternoon. The state had called. Still confused by the conversation with the director, I put it in the back of my head to think about later.

But during my quiet time tonight it hit me like a ton of bricks. THE STATE DFCS OFFICE HAD CALLED. WHAT?!? That’s not normal. Not by any means. They needed more details. More details. I had those details.The state doesn’t investigate just any old case. They get involved when things are messy, when things are not done in the proper way, when things have not gone as planned. The kids. Something isn’t right. Oh Dear Lord, I am begging you, please make sure those children are OK.

So tonight I have a very heavy heart and I’m wide awake. Adrenaline has kicked in because of worrying I’m sure. Things have been added to my to do list now. One of which is to call my caseworker tomorrow and see if I can find out what’s up because you would not believe how much I still miss those kids and how much I still in fact worry about them. Each and every day, I think about them. Wonder what they are up too.

I ask for prayers for those three special little ones. The three that I will forever be bonded with because they were my very first placement. Pray for their safety. Pray for their well being. Pray that they are alright.

One week

Rookie mistake number one…believing I could maintain a blog when my entire world was about to be turned upside down.

Whelp one week ago today I received the call. The call that would forever change my daily routine, my life, my world. First call of the day, a sibling group who needed to be placed together. School aged kids. Seemed like a good place to start for my first placement. They would be placed sometime in the next week. So I decided I might as well prepare. Rookie mistake number two … I have a bad habit of over preparing. Always. I packed all the baby items away that for months I had carefully laid out in the bedroom. Went to the local thrift store and got a couple items that I knew the kids would probably need & then I waited. I waited for the conformation call. While I waited I started to wonder what they would be like, do they get along,  yada yada yada. Then my phone rang…

On the other end of the phone was my case worker. They had an emergency placement. All younger kiddos who had just come into care. I laughed as I told her I had already packed away all the baby stuff. Her response, “you’ll learn” and boy was she right. I scrambled to put together the crib, unpacked all the baby items, and grab out some items out of the clothes bin that I thought might fit the kiddos. The caseworker arrived within two hours of the call. Within the first two minutes, I was pooped on for the first time. Within the first hour one decided the remote really need to go for a swim in the toilet. Within the first three hours my mom and siblings arrived with car seats, another highchair, clothes, and toys. Oh the toys. All the kids were in heaven. The next two hours consisted of laughter, singing, dinner, baths, and bedtime.

This last week has been a whirl wind of doctors appointments, baby snuggles, family members and friends coming over to pitch in, and poop. Good grief the poop. Oh and the pee. I haven’t made it a day yet that I haven’t had to change clothes at least once.

But tonight I sit here and reflect on the last week. My littlest one is cooing right next to me just days after his first smile. I wonder how someone could hurt someone so little and innocent. I dream about what he will be when he grows up. So much potential for someone so small.

So many unknowns lie ahead in the next week. So many questions that don’t have answers. More appointments, visits, and court hearings. In the meantime I love on these little ones while they are in my care. Whether it is for a short time or an extended amount of time, I cherish these moments with these little ones, I love them as if they are my own. I ask for prayers over the next week as some big decisions will be made. Decisions that are out of my hands.  Decisions that may break hearts or make others rejoice. I ask for prayers that the right decisions be made, for the caseworkers to put all the pieces together of a very messy situation, for the judge that will hear the case, for all parties involved and for the kiddos because they deserve the world.